Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The deep dark vegan do they hide it?!

It's time for the raw and honest truth. Those of you who know me well will not be surprised at what I am about to divulge....there is a deep, dark, secret vegans keep and I have discovered it! Get ready....It is the most rotten, awful, horrendous gas ever to escape to bowels of a human being! My body has been in a gaseous state for days on end with no sign of relenting. I mean, I am no stranger to a toot here and there throughout my day, but this....this is something unknown to even me! After almost annihilating my husband via dutch oven last night, he MADE me get online and google "how to counteract gas from a vegan diet." This is just a small portion of one persons blog account. There were many others on other sites but this one by far described it the best!  (Be aware, you may need a poise pad before reading on.)

~I had heard through word of mouth that this might eventually be a problem, but I never thought anything of it. Until now.

Dear Lord! Why am I passing gas so much? Somebody make it stop! Aaaghh!

Let's just say that I about killed myself off in bed last night due to some unplanned gas attacks. Too bad I didn't have a generator handy, because there was enough methane created in that room to power an entire city for days. Oh, I couldn't believe what my body was doing to me here! I was putting healthy foods into my body, and what was coming out of my body was anything but healthy. Personally, I don't know how vegans ever get married with all the flatulence that their bodies produce. All I know is that, if I ever want to get a girlfriend, then I have to go back to meat or else she better get some heavy duty nose clips.

Now that I think about it, with all the soy and beans I've been eating lately, it's no wonder my life has suddenly turned into a scene from "Blazin' Saddles." The packages of health food never even bother to mention this side effect from eating their stuff. This is the dirty, dark side to veganism that they never want you to know about. The elimination of milk, eggs and meat from my diet is easy. The smell... oh Gosh, now that's the real challenge. I think I better invest in a month's supply of Beano.~

Did you laugh as hard as we did? I mean, he didn't stop there! His blog continued on and on about it all. I just captured a snip it of that posting! As comical as that is the honest truth! If something doesn't correct itself soon, I have a feeling this vegan month is going to come to an abrupt halt. I mean one can only be tortured for so long.


  1. Hey dear, your body should adjust to the diet, just give it more time...don't give up just yet. It took us a while to adjust, but it does happen, now my husband doesn't even remember the adjustment period. Little tip: you can also take digestive enzymes to help your body process better until it gets used to your different treatment of it :)

  2. This is hilarious as I know all about your "tooting" and to think it is worse makes me laugh out loud. :) I'm sure there's a whole new meaning to your rotten fruit toots ;) Is that TMI???

  3. Oh Brooke! LOL TMI! However, I did leave the door open for such comments by posting such hilarity! Again I say....UNBELIEVABLE!

  4. THIS. Cracks me up. =) Did it smell so bad it hurt your feelings? oh the love...